So true — I also sometimes use, depending on the situation — there is truth in all things and what is all true for you is not necessarily all true for me.
When I wrote this post, there had been a particular instance where that happened to me. I was shocked to be considered rude for doing something that didn’t feel rude to me — and in actuality was more about where they were coming from, not where I was at —afterwards, my husband afterwards told me the other person’s response felt awkward/rude to him too. My goal was to quit repeating the story in my head — which inevitably casts me in the role of victim to someone else’s bad behaviour - and to see what door the istuation opened for me to explore more my human condition. :) Fascinating discussion!
me: (either) Can we agree to disagree on this? or: I'm sorry I can't discuss this 'subject' with you. I'd get either angry or frustrated and I can't handle these emotions right now.
me also: I do hear you, but I have a different viewpoint. mostly, it's not worth a further discussion (for me), because the same subject, the same theme has already been discussed to death before. And I don't mind truly dumb ppl too much, what I can't stand any longer, are ppl who are too sure of themselves, not able or willing to even try seeing something from another angle, too stubborn to look at themselves and pondering their words. I then think to myself: I don0t need this any longer - I'm too old to get hecked up about this. When it gets really tough and I think to myself that the 'other person' is an idiot, I usually say: 'I'm sure you're right' and just leave it like that. It's astonishing how these few words shut ppl up!
Love that response — especially when it’s in a conversation and you know you are world’s apart in your world views.
Mine comes from those sudden, unexpecte;d micro-agressions that — in my case — often leave me speechless, or at least feeling confused. In the moment, my brain tends to freeze and I will, sometimes, not always, let the agression stand as I figure out how to respond — which means, the moment has passed and life carries on. The challenge is - to get present in the moment to speak without amplifyng the micro-agression into something else. :) At least… I think that’s what it’s all about for me. tee hee. you’ve got me thinking as you always do!
oh I know 'that' frustrating, angering, speechless feeling' too. Only too well. Two days later, I'd have the PERFECT reaction. 😇
When I'm really, really hurt by an action of HH, I'm literally speechless. Only ppl I truly love, can hurt me so much that I'm 'shut up' for good. Then I can't speak loudly, no words come out, no touch is wanted.... THAT's really bad. My whole body hurts.
'Stupid, thoughtless' doesn't hurt, I've learned to shut that out. That's when the above ment. strategies come to work.
Society and its "norms". Eh gads. I am done with trying to figure it out. Viktoria Vidali's suggested response is spot on. Thank you. We are prone to say "I'm sorry", no we are conditioned. Time to change that concept. One of my more frequent mantras is - I'm no longer everyone's Mother.
Most of us, most days, in most ways ... can walk away, or run, 'from something' or 'to something', or from someone, to someone, and so it goes through job/career, wayfinding, relationship carpentry and demolition ... but, such is not your life. Not right now. Yes, you've got 'new things cookin' in your speaking, coaching, writing and performance projects. And, you are tethered - on purpose, by promises and duties felt to 'things as they are' without a timeline, endpoint or a 'what-come-next' plan. Sure, I'll bet you've thought about and dreamed about many ventures/adventures that will come, and of course there will be the grieving process. You are proactively, 'pre-grieved,' and anyone who thinks that's all there is to it - they'd be fools, because you know and those of us who would identify as 'friend/caring/knowing Louise' also know that your heart stretches to be large and enveloping of moments, of others, and for yourself. ... Time is moving fast and slow at the same time every day, in every way ... made more abundant for so many by you.
An excellent, non-offensive yet integrity-affirming comeback is always: “I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t see it that way.”
So true — I also sometimes use, depending on the situation — there is truth in all things and what is all true for you is not necessarily all true for me.
When I wrote this post, there had been a particular instance where that happened to me. I was shocked to be considered rude for doing something that didn’t feel rude to me — and in actuality was more about where they were coming from, not where I was at —afterwards, my husband afterwards told me the other person’s response felt awkward/rude to him too. My goal was to quit repeating the story in my head — which inevitably casts me in the role of victim to someone else’s bad behaviour - and to see what door the istuation opened for me to explore more my human condition. :) Fascinating discussion!
me: (either) Can we agree to disagree on this? or: I'm sorry I can't discuss this 'subject' with you. I'd get either angry or frustrated and I can't handle these emotions right now.
me also: I do hear you, but I have a different viewpoint. mostly, it's not worth a further discussion (for me), because the same subject, the same theme has already been discussed to death before. And I don't mind truly dumb ppl too much, what I can't stand any longer, are ppl who are too sure of themselves, not able or willing to even try seeing something from another angle, too stubborn to look at themselves and pondering their words. I then think to myself: I don0t need this any longer - I'm too old to get hecked up about this. When it gets really tough and I think to myself that the 'other person' is an idiot, I usually say: 'I'm sure you're right' and just leave it like that. It's astonishing how these few words shut ppl up!
Love that response — especially when it’s in a conversation and you know you are world’s apart in your world views.
Mine comes from those sudden, unexpecte;d micro-agressions that — in my case — often leave me speechless, or at least feeling confused. In the moment, my brain tends to freeze and I will, sometimes, not always, let the agression stand as I figure out how to respond — which means, the moment has passed and life carries on. The challenge is - to get present in the moment to speak without amplifyng the micro-agression into something else. :) At least… I think that’s what it’s all about for me. tee hee. you’ve got me thinking as you always do!
oh I know 'that' frustrating, angering, speechless feeling' too. Only too well. Two days later, I'd have the PERFECT reaction. 😇
When I'm really, really hurt by an action of HH, I'm literally speechless. Only ppl I truly love, can hurt me so much that I'm 'shut up' for good. Then I can't speak loudly, no words come out, no touch is wanted.... THAT's really bad. My whole body hurts.
'Stupid, thoughtless' doesn't hurt, I've learned to shut that out. That's when the above ment. strategies come to work.
Society and its "norms". Eh gads. I am done with trying to figure it out. Viktoria Vidali's suggested response is spot on. Thank you. We are prone to say "I'm sorry", no we are conditioned. Time to change that concept. One of my more frequent mantras is - I'm no longer everyone's Mother.
Me neither! :) Yup — we are conditioned. Hugs
I enjoyed the post
Most of us, most days, in most ways ... can walk away, or run, 'from something' or 'to something', or from someone, to someone, and so it goes through job/career, wayfinding, relationship carpentry and demolition ... but, such is not your life. Not right now. Yes, you've got 'new things cookin' in your speaking, coaching, writing and performance projects. And, you are tethered - on purpose, by promises and duties felt to 'things as they are' without a timeline, endpoint or a 'what-come-next' plan. Sure, I'll bet you've thought about and dreamed about many ventures/adventures that will come, and of course there will be the grieving process. You are proactively, 'pre-grieved,' and anyone who thinks that's all there is to it - they'd be fools, because you know and those of us who would identify as 'friend/caring/knowing Louise' also know that your heart stretches to be large and enveloping of moments, of others, and for yourself. ... Time is moving fast and slow at the same time every day, in every way ... made more abundant for so many by you.
Thank you Mark — first for your wisdom — and for the beautiful comment about my heart — how grateful I am. <3